Alex's Top 10: Creepy things about Pokemon

It's no secret that Pokemon has some very dark undertones hidden under the "Gotta catch'em all!" 90's cutesy vibe. Fact is, the majority of the Pokemon fanbase has aged. So it makes sense that they smuggle in some nasty shit to keep the big kids interested. So here we go.

Just to be clear, this list consists of things openly presented in the games, manga, anime, wherever creepy things are to be found. No "Gengar is Clefable's shadow" or "the lavender town theme killed japanese kids", only things that are actually presented to the fans in legitimate ways. These may be a tiny bit obscure, but these are my thoughts. If you don't agree, write your own Top 10.

10:  Pokemon Breeding

Ok, now hear me out on this one. Breeding is a very simple concept. Pop two Pokemon in the daycare, wait, and an egg will mysteriously show up for- wait. Mysteriously show up? Do these people not know how babies are made?

To be fair, Pokemon is geared towards children, so they probably don't need to hear "Congratulations! Your Pikachu just fucked a Marill!"

But what really weirds me out is Egg Groups. They're based on the real life concept of similar creatures being able to breed... but Egg Groups are pretty broad. The most popular one to shit on is Wailord being able to breed with Skitty, and that's a great example. Nidoking and Pikachu, Venusaur and Oddish, and don't even mention Ditto. My suggestion, keep your kids off of the PokeDiscovery channel, lest they understand how life works.

9: TMs and HMs

This one may be more of a personal thought, but it works for the list. All we know about TMs and HMs are that they are discs containing data, which can be used to teach Pokemon new moves.

...how? There is an air of mystery surrounding TMs that questions the very existence of Pokemon. Similarly to the Pokeball, TMs interact with Pokemon in a way that any natural creature wouldn't be able to. Now, to avoid breaking my []]]][[[[[[[[-["no theories allowed" rule, I won't continue this thought, but... go ahead and think on that. What exactly is that cuddly critter of yours?

8: Sky Drop

A move that showed up quite recently, Sky Drop is an interesting attack. On the first turn, you grab your opponent and cart them into the sky, way up high with you. On the second turn, you drop them. Sounds pretty mild, right?

...but think about what that actually implies. Moves like Fly and Sesmic Toss accomplish a very similar goal, but with a more combat-centric feeling. Sky Drop, however, is pure sadism. You carry your enemy way up into the air, and just lets go, forcing them to helplessly plummet to the ground. It's not like you attack them on the way down, or even attack them at all. They aren't even thrown... just dropped. Imagine what that must be like.

7: Cubone

We all know of this one, so I'm just going to gloss over it.

...WRONG. Nope. Here we go: a brief history of Cubone.

Originally (according to the Pokemon Trading Card Game), Cubone wore the skull of ancient Pokemon. But in the games, Cubone equips the skull of it's dead mother. How it obtains the skull, that's up for debate. But let me tell you something: Wearing part of your deceased loved ones as a security blanket IS NOT OKAY. But Cubone is far from the creepiest of Pokemon.

6: Childhood Abandonment

As I'm sure you're all aware, your character in Pokemon games usually begins their journey around the age of 10. Let me make that clear... You, as a mother, allow your TEN YEAR OLD CHILD to wander the country side COMPLETELY unsupervised. Some of the games make this a bit more... realistic, so to say. In Pokemon Silver/Gold/Crystal and their remakes, for example, your mom at least provides you with a cell phone, and in the 4th generation of games your mom will periodically meet up with you along the road. But this is a very cold, very distant thing for a parent to do, and is easy to overlook because of the "off on a cool adventure" vibe of the game.

5: Brutality is natural, if not downright enjoyable

Just to name a few examples, here are some Pokedex entries for you.
Beautifly: It has an agressive nature. It stabs prey with its long, narrow mouth to drain the prey's fluids.
Kabutops: A slim and fast swimmer. It slices its prey with its sharp sickles and drinks the body fluids.
Feraligat'r: When it bites with it's massive and powerful jaws, it shakes its head and savagely tears its victim up.

This is all fine and dandy from an animal kingdom perspective, sure, but let's just take a minute. At least those first two specify that they DRINK BLOOD from they're prey, so that's them feeding themselves. But that last entry, "victims", that changes things. Can you imagine, this kind of a beast is given to young children as a companion, the kind of creature to mercilessly assault other creatures. That's only three Pokedex entries, too! And trust me, it gets worse.

4: The Pokemon World is a bad place to be a child.

I'm not quoting the Pokedex again here, I'm saving that for #1, but keep Duskull, Hypno, and Drifloon in mind when I say: Children have it rough. There are Pokemon left and right who make it their life's purpose to ruin the lives of young children. If that's the kind of Pokemon you want to keep with you, you shouldn't be allowed around school.

3: People eat Pokemon

Sure, people eat animals, but we keep them as pets too. So what's the distinction? If we mix and match the Pokedex with the anime for this one, we'll see the point. There are a few examples, but the best one here is Farfetch'd. It is a very well known fact that Farfetch'd tastes delicious with leek. Sounds yummy! But Farfetch'd is also kept as a friend and companion. So if one was traveling with their beloved Pokemon friend, and food were to run out...

But the truly scary part is, this could also happen the other way around. This time we use Zweilous as an example, who is stated to eat literally anything edible in it's path. People are edible. The sad thing, Zweilous is blind. It may smell food, taste food, but it could be eating it's trainer without even realizing.

2: Pokemon evolve through conflict.

This isn't so much creepy as it is a dark realization. Of course there are a few exceptions to this, but most Pokemon evolve from experience gained through battle. Seems tame from an RPG video game perspective, but if you think about it it gets pretty tragic. Our meaning of life is shrouded in mystery, but the picture is painted clearly. Pokemon are born to fight. Without a life of combat, they won't grow, and the stronger, battle- hardened Pokemon will always have the upper hand.

1: Ghost Pokemon

This one is a doosy, so I will be doing some quotes. But first, a few general points.
1: Most Ghost Pokemon were, at some point, human beings.
2: A lot of them are fueled by negative emotions.
3: Ordinary items can be possessed, and turn into Ghost Pokemon.
4: Ghost Pokemon seem to have no regard for life.
5: Ghost Pokemon are jerks, and like to prank and/or torment humans for fun.

Some pretty fucked up factoids, huh? Here are some particularly creepy ones.

Duskull: If it finds bad children who won't listen to their parents, it will spirit them away- or so it's said.
Drifloon: These Pokemon are called the "Signpost for Wandering Spirits". Children holding them sometimes vanish.
Yamask: Each of them carries a mask that used to be it's face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry.
Frillish: If it's veil-like arms stun and wrap around a foe, that foe will be dragged miles below the surface, never to return.
Phantump: According to old tales, these Pokemon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest.
Gourgeist: It enwraps its prey in it's hairlike arms. It sings joyfully as it observes the suffering of its prey.

Ghost Pokemon are one of my favourite type of Pokemon, but when I actually sit down and read their origins and details about them... damn does my spine tingle!

But let's be real. I'm 20. If Pokemon was all just cute little critters beating the shit out of each other, it wouldn't be nearly as fun. The thought that goes into the creation of these stories, creatures, worlds, people, it's inspiring. Entertaining the kid in us while keeping our mature, intellectual side interested, it's not an easy task. Well done, Nintendo.